He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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