everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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