she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
