On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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