the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
