she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
