you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
