She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
