I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
