This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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