Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
