apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
