I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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