if you like me you must not know who I am
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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