I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
