well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dick very happy bro
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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