Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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