here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
