Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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