everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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