I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
