This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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