I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
