Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
