Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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