No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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