Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
