I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
