I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
