We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
