This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
