i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
