I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So many bounce houses so little time
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
