the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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