Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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