You made me cry and you don't even care
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
