I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
