The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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