I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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