If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
