I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
