Old men and throwing up are my life now.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
