He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
