I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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