Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
