You're my little dorito
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
