If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
