Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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