it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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