they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this just has baby written all over it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
