you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
