you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
