I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
