Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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