I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
