So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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