You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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