did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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