i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
