Christians are straight up FREAKS
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
