I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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