I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
