We won't sleep together?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
