dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
