is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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