Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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