I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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