Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
