I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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