smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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