I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I touched a dick in church today
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