There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
