dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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