Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
