Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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