community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
