you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
soo... how was my night?
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