Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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