dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
