You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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