Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
